Random Thought One
Love--it's the most powerful force on earth, they say. Powerful force, my ass. Well, OK, maybe they were right, but in my 21 years 5 months 5 hours and 30 minutes of existence, I tried very hard for love to not govern my being. I tried hard not to fall in love (or lust) with anyone, living a lifestyle that won't force me to pick someone from the singles grab bag and hookup so that my social life won't be devoid of, er, life.
But now, I got myself into a situation wherein I amlured tempted by this girl--who's not even single, by the way--into having a relationship with her. I agreed, and I blame my diplomacy and my irritating politeness.
When I was about five, my sisters and I were forced by our parents to take swimming lessons. During my lessons, I developed a huge crush on this girl I will call X. We talk a lot while I wait for my father to pick me up after the lessons, and when I am in the car I would talk nonstop about X. But when my swimming lessons ended, so did our shortened puppy romance. I was lonely for like two days, but eventually I grew out of it. And so I conditioned myself to not get involved with anybody romantically because they'll leave sooner or later, and the only ones you'll have left will be your family.
Recently, I have been thinking about what my life would be after 10 years. I kept hoping for an epiphany, or something similar to an epiphany, or a sign, or a premonition, or a burning bush, or whatever; but all I could think of was me, sitting alone in a quiet room, living for myself, and only having myself. My God, I'm like a male version of a cat lady in-the-making. Hell, it's even scarier than committing myself to one woman.
Maybe that's why I gave in to my nongirlfriend. Our becoming an item was lame, by the way. I admitted that I am attracted to her, and she admitted that she was attracted to me, and she snapped at me for being so torpe because apparently, if I courted her after her first breakup, then she would accept me with wide arms open. I told her that I would be a boring boyfriend, and she doesn't mind, as long as we're together. Aren't we corny.
And just like that, I have become the exact contradiction of what I became after my X-phase. I don't really fancy the strings that came attached with this boyfriend-girlfriend thing like late night texting (I gotta sleep early, come on! It's a fat person thing), getting her home everyday after school (she lives in Timbuktu for heaven's sakes!), and paying for everything during our dates (which is why I'm always broke lately), but I'm kinda beginning to get used to it. I just hope my enthusiasm won't wear off anytime soon.
But now, I got myself into a situation wherein I am
When I was about five, my sisters and I were forced by our parents to take swimming lessons. During my lessons, I developed a huge crush on this girl I will call X. We talk a lot while I wait for my father to pick me up after the lessons, and when I am in the car I would talk nonstop about X. But when my swimming lessons ended, so did our shortened puppy romance. I was lonely for like two days, but eventually I grew out of it. And so I conditioned myself to not get involved with anybody romantically because they'll leave sooner or later, and the only ones you'll have left will be your family.
Recently, I have been thinking about what my life would be after 10 years. I kept hoping for an epiphany, or something similar to an epiphany, or a sign, or a premonition, or a burning bush, or whatever; but all I could think of was me, sitting alone in a quiet room, living for myself, and only having myself. My God, I'm like a male version of a cat lady in-the-making. Hell, it's even scarier than committing myself to one woman.
Maybe that's why I gave in to my nongirlfriend. Our becoming an item was lame, by the way. I admitted that I am attracted to her, and she admitted that she was attracted to me, and she snapped at me for being so torpe because apparently, if I courted her after her first breakup, then she would accept me with wide arms open. I told her that I would be a boring boyfriend, and she doesn't mind, as long as we're together. Aren't we corny.
And just like that, I have become the exact contradiction of what I became after my X-phase. I don't really fancy the strings that came attached with this boyfriend-girlfriend thing like late night texting (I gotta sleep early, come on! It's a fat person thing), getting her home everyday after school (she lives in Timbuktu for heaven's sakes!), and paying for everything during our dates (which is why I'm always broke lately), but I'm kinda beginning to get used to it. I just hope my enthusiasm won't wear off anytime soon.